So, there are questions. What would happen if I accomplished something?
Funny, even thinking about it makes me squirm. Why?
I realize too, that being mad about trivial stuff is just a distraction, a way of pushing aside the uncomfortable feelings.
Okay, I am going to visualize a free me. What does that look like?
I don't think I'm ready to go all the way with it, so I'll start with perhaps some external stuff.
Geez, I still feel like I'm standing at the edge of the 10 foot deep end of the pool and NOT wanting to jump in!
- Everywhere I look, there are clean, uncluttered horizontal surfaces.
- Pictures are all hung or put away.
- Nice paths around the yard
- Pond in backyard is complete.
- I've chosen a few things that I want to do...and that's it - I don't have too much to do.
- I have time to do everything I want to do.
- I'm not rushed.
- I respect myself.
- Other people respect me.
- I have a nice place to sit in the house.
- I have a nice place to write and draw etc.
- I have a nice place to invite people.
- There are nice places to sit in the yard
- No piles of junk in the yard.
- Feel good about inviting people here.
- Feel proud of my home.
Well, that is certainly a beginning.
I will take everything off the kitchen table today.
I will take everything off the file cabinet today.