So it's time to do nothing

Aimlessness...

Freedom, forgiveness

One of the commenters in a discussion on TED on forgiveness mentioned the idea of asking oneself, "How does this serve me?"

He was referring to being, or thinking of oneself as a victim, but I realize that this applies to everything I "don't like," everything I find painful or wish was otherwise.

With that in mind, how does having a messy home serve me?

• Is it keeping me from thinking about anything else?
• Is it keeping me from having friends and family visit?
• Is it keeping me from feeling peaceful?
• Is it not so much about having a messy home as about not feeling "compelled" to clean up?
• Is it about feeling free to "do what I want?"

Every time I decide to do something, I seem to create an additional "me," that is standing there with a pointing finger making me feel humiliated.

What is freedom? Trying to find freedom, I feel like I am losing it.

This is painful. Not knowing which way to turn.

Although it is painful, it is an opportunity to learn.  I return to the question, "How does this serve me?"